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| Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams
Now that I can see you, I don't think you're worth a second glance.
And this feeling I get in my stomach when I think about you, I don’t ever want to lose that.
I know how difficult it can be when the image you've had of something doesn't match it's reality; when the friend beside you turns into a monster.
Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft
You painted me in pastels, colors that don't tell of any boldness. Because that's the way you'd love to see me, so delicate, so weak, so little purpose.
Tonight I watch the lights go out in your house, wondering how I could get so deep and you could still get to sleep in vain. I blame my trembling on the cold air, and I can't hide that I relied on you, like yellow does on blue.
I listened to your message over and over again. I thought about how I let you down. I thought about who I am. I felt hopeless. I got caught up in this life, I'm such a mess. I wonder how I looked through your eyes.
I can't explain myself, I think the same thing every night on the way home. It's all I ever needed. I don't want to take my life tonight, I just want to see if there's a light.
I'm fine but half the time I'm sick. I'm alive but deadly sick of it. I'd stay and dream all day but you can see it's almost over. Im hurt but I'm having a good time. I'm strange, but only in my mind. I'll watch the ticking clock until it stops, then it's all over.
It was in a foreign hotel's bathtub I baptized myself in change. And one by one I drowned all of the people I had been
But there is no end to this. I think it is infinite, and I have no regrets, its the perfect fit for me. The stars won’t lie to you, the stars never lied to you. Its just the lights that do, boy those lights sure do.
We kid ourselves there's future in the fucking, but there is no fucking future.
people don't see me. no one sees me. it's like being fat. no one takes you seriously. you just don't exist - you're so big, you're not even there.
i realize now you weren't strong enough to pull yourself out of the haze you fell into. there were days when i would have given anything for you to have just acknowledged i was alive, the fact that you were alive. i didn't need you to laugh or to talk or to even get out of bed. no i just needed proof that your soul was still buried somewhere underneath all that darkness. but you were nothing more than an abandoned hermit shell, hollowed of all self presence. you had fled the shore seeking different shelter from all the demons you'd yet to face. you deserted your body which was now an empty vessel of your self worth and somehow, you managed to destroy everything you left behind, including me. yet, despite all this, i can't be angry with you. because although i always said you chose the coward's way out, you never did claim to be brave.
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| Absence makes the heart grow fonder, fondness makes the absence longer.
sorry that I never update anymore, I never get the motivation.
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| I miss you even when you're around
All my friends say that of course it's gonna get better, gonna get better, better, better, better, better, better, better, better.
Does he kiss your eyelids in the morning when you start to raise your head? And does he sing to you incessantly from the space between your bed and wall? Does he walk around all day at school with his feet inside your shoes, looking down every few steps to pretend he walks with you? Oh, does he know that place below your neck that is your favorite to be touched? And does he cry through broken sentences like, ‘I love you far too much’? Does he lay awake listening to your breath, worried you smoke too many cigarettes?
Teenagers are at a crazy age. You're too young to vote and too old not to be in love. You live in a house someone else owns but your dreams are already somewhere else.
People say that the bad memories cause the most pain. But actually it’s the good ones that drive you insane.
If that's how you feel, then what's there to do? I'll keep this feeling in my heart but when you look in my eyes, you will know the truth.
Those are just things you've done, not who you are. People make mistakes, you know. Who you are is jut fine. More than fine.
You called to say you wanted out. Well, I can't say I blame you now. Sometimes you've got to fold before you're found out. Well thanks for waiting this long to show yourself. Because now that I can see you, I don't think you're worth a second glance.
See, sorrow gets too heavy and joy, it tends to hold you with the fear that it eventualy departs. And the truth is, I've been dreaming of some tired tranquil place where the weather won't get trapped inside my bones.
It's the way you pick your clothes off the floor, it's the way you scratch your skin when you yawn, it's the t-shirts that you choose like you're in the Air Force. Yeah the language that you use reacts like chemicals.
And I will love him no matter what you say. You're simply too immature to understand that love does stretch for miles and miles. So you just be an immature little kid looking for love in all the wrong places, and I will be content with mine right where it is.. not all those miles away, but in my heart, and in his heart, where distance does not matter.
I like sunrise better when I'm getting up early than when I'm staying up late, you know? It's like I'm seeing it from the wrong side.
They called what had happened to them 'near-death experiences.' And they talked about how amazing it was to know what death was like and still be able to live. I feel like I'm having a near-life experience, like I used to be alive and I know what that's like but now I'm doing something else. I don't want to die or anything. I just feel like I'm not as alive as I used to be."
You're desperate in finding something else to please you. You've been searching your whole life. Something to mute, change or just distract you. Something to put inside you to give the illusion of life.
"I can't judge any of you. I have no malice against you and no ribbons for you. But I think it's high time you all start looking at yourselves, and judging the lie that you live in." - Charlie Manson
If my memory of you is all I'm keeping, why does it seem like maybe that's too much? When forgetting you were dying, all my the options I have left, my body starts to tell me I've not lived long enough. Maybe it's time to empty out the ashtrays and not remember your phone number and I'll forget which day's your birthday
Sometimes when I'm lying there all alone, I think of every little nothing that we could own. To overthrow all of you who have overgrown.
This is the first time that I've ever told the truth before, to scrutinize what we call fate. Belief in more of what's been forced into subconsciousness. Hold my breath, hope to refrain.
But heyhey, I've got things to say. I've lost control of life. I don't know how many times I've tried to undo the knot you've tied. My face is red and people change. I've changed for good this time.
And yet, I found I could survive. I was alert, I felt the pain - the aching loss that radiated out from my chest, sending wracking waves of hurt through my limbs and my head - but it was manageable. I could live through it. It didn't feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather that I'd grown strong enough to bear it.
You have too much, you're spending all your time collecting and discovering. It's not enough. And no matter how you try, you never find the one you want.
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| but my head's to the wall and i'm lonely
You know what I think hurts the most? The feeling of being replaced. It’s like no matter what you did, it wasn’t enough. And no matter what you do to try and capture their heart again, doesn’t seem to work. And you’re suddenly left thinking that you’ll never be enough. And a sudden sadness captures your heart that never really leaves.
And I will tuck into you like I always want to be. Shadows just a shade of black now, darkness in degree. Oh it was you who knew we first saw this wasn't meant for kids like me.
I know there will be risks, but I want to face them with you. It's wrong that we should only be half alive, half of ourselves. I love you. So here I am, standing in your doorway. I've always been standing in your doorway. Isn't it about time somebody saved your life?
I am a jumble of passions, misgivings, and wants. It seems that I am always in a state of wishing and rarely in a state of contentment
there is a part of me that always sees the easy way out. if it doesn't hurt, then not another word.
Its ironic how I fall just to get back up again. I fixed to cure this ailing bitter agony, Maybe where the roads part you remember where we first met. So tongue and cheek with stale irony. if it pleases you, it pleases me.
let me show you the way it's supposed to be.
The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink and clamoring to become visible.
If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens in between can be dealt with.
Michael Jackson
We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered.
Tom Stoppard
There’s no reality except the one contained within us. That’s why so many people live an unreal life. They take images outside them for reality and never allow the world within them to assert itself.
Hermann Hesse
Just like you mistook lust for love, you have mistaken being alone with loneliness. So I'm fine. Thank you for asking.
The feeling you get when you think of something amazing then forget it and know that it felt amazing but you can't remember the details. Then, minuets later, you remember it again and you're so grateful because you nearly lost something amazing, forever. Except, this time, it's a person. Not an idea.
You see, the problem isn’t that a generation has chosen sadness as an icon. It’s that other generations don’t know why.
This is the acceptance speech. The end of anger and denial. I accept that you and I will never be the same again. That while those days will live in my mind forever, they're over. I hate it. But I accept it. And I'm moving on now.
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I-91 N | July 4, 2009
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